general
Tomorrow is a big day, tomorrow I take a leap of
faith with nowhere else to go up. I might fall, deep into the void, but that
won’t be the last night I spend there.
From shifting places to shifting perspectives.
Some of you
may wonder how I’m always so open, so flexible so cool(I’m right?) here, when
in the real world I’m a douchebag who doesn’t know how to talk to people, nor
understand them well.
You see
that’s because I believe I’m still not in equilibrium with umm, the real world
for a lack of better words. This makes this blog, even more, important for me.
To express myself, to resonate with the energies surrounding me, to feel real.
I’m getting
a place of my own in just a day with a friend of mine. He’s a dumbass, but at least
he got enough skills to convince a Bipolar II disorder egomaniac like me to
shift with him so I’ll give him some credit. Yes, I just figured out a while
back that I have been suffering from Bipolar disorder level 2 for some quite
time now, four years to be exact, but that’s a story for another time.
Past few
weeks have been quite dramatic for me. Believe it or not, I have been going out
of my way, out of my comfort zone to take decisions that might harm me in the
longer run. But hey, I just experienced Chloe Price’s story in Life is Strange:
Before the storm and just like she would in such a condition, I say fuck it. If
I get in trouble, I’ll brew myself up a solution. If my stars fail to protect
me, I say fuck them, I’ll create my own.
And so here
I stand, the future ahead looks enticing and scary at the same time. I feel
vulnerable because I’m all alone, even more than I was a year ago. But then the time has an uncanny habit of teaching you stuffs, but only if you’re willing to,
and I believe I have been willing in the past couple of days, weeks, months.
A Firefly
fails to light up the sky one frosty night, it might fail the second night too,
but the third might just be the night he had been waiting for all along, the
one night that matters. Everything has been preparing him for that one night.
All his energies were there to help him glow that one night so that he can
peacefully die the following morning. As absurd as that may sound, that is what
life is.
In the past couple of days, I have been focusing all my strength in gathering all my energies
for that one night. I’m not desperate, for as long as that night may take to come,
I can breathe peacefully. Why am I writing all these? Does that make sense? I
guess no. But I felt like writing. I felt like talking about something.
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